This really resonated with me. The sentence, “I thought I needed appreciation. What I really needed was to stop abandoning myself,” is simple but incredibly powerful. Thank you for sharing something so honest.
I'm on the boundary journey with you. I have dinner with my mother a few times a week. She has no other company. Last night, I dropped her dinner off and came home to have dinner alone and sit on my couch.
A very good description of how it is to live without boundaries, because having those is not a part of one's known personal geography. You note: "That’s when I finally saw it—the entire architecture of self-abandonment I’d built. In his mind I was making it difficult on purpose. He didn’t see that I was simply no longer making it easy for him." This is at the core of the insight that frees you. I discovered the existence and phenomenon of Boundaries in my seventies! Congrats to your clarity and thanks for sharing the process. Love, Maria
Oh, Lin. This piece resonated with me as well. The part about your mother reminds me of my own. It never really matters how much I achieve, it's never going to be good enough.
I’m sorry. I think our parents wanted the best for us, but unfortunately what the way they went about it only made us believe we were never good enough.
That is so true. In my case, I think their upbringing (especially my mom’s) was a lot harsher and she didn’t know any better. But repeated criticism chips away at you, and can truly cause damage.
Right here with you Lin. As we discover that it’s beautiful and necessary to have needs and wants and honor them. Powerful writing and realizations. Love you
This resonates so deeply Lin. I grieve for you the time you lost. I did it for most of my life. This is YOUR time now- don’t abandon yourself. People actually respect you more when you set boundaries and keep them. Maybe not your ex but he will learn that he can’t keep taking advantage of you.
I was the people pleaser in my relationship. Looking at where that got me today is wild.. saying it was "all for nothing" is an understatement. It was actively doing harm all those years. And what's funny is I still have trouble changing my behavior. It feels hard coded, but insight and understanding helps keep it in the forefront. Thanks for the beautifully written post! 🙏
Thank you for taking the time to read it. Such a belief is hard coded for sure. At least you have the awareness now. That‘s the most important step you could take. I wish you a great time ahead.
Oh Lin, this resonated with me so much. Thank you, as always, for your beautiful honesty and willingness to share your heart. Here's to ending the cycle of abandoning ourselves and finding ourselves instead 🤍🤍🤍
This really resonated with me. The sentence, “I thought I needed appreciation. What I really needed was to stop abandoning myself,” is simple but incredibly powerful. Thank you for sharing something so honest.
Antonio, thank you for reading and giving such a thoughtful comment. I’m glad it resonated.
That's the sentence!
I'm on the boundary journey with you. I have dinner with my mother a few times a week. She has no other company. Last night, I dropped her dinner off and came home to have dinner alone and sit on my couch.
Good job. You chose what you wanted. I‘m curious. How did she react, if i may ask.
she asked if I was going out on a date? I said nope.
Boundaries with our parents are the hardest sometimes. Good for you.
I felt so seen with this post, Lin, loved reading this. 💗💗
This line about disliking something being information really lands. People-pleasing can make your own discomfort feel like background noise.
A very good description of how it is to live without boundaries, because having those is not a part of one's known personal geography. You note: "That’s when I finally saw it—the entire architecture of self-abandonment I’d built. In his mind I was making it difficult on purpose. He didn’t see that I was simply no longer making it easy for him." This is at the core of the insight that frees you. I discovered the existence and phenomenon of Boundaries in my seventies! Congrats to your clarity and thanks for sharing the process. Love, Maria
Thank you so much for understanding, Maria. WOW, you‘ve walked a long way.
Oh, Lin. This piece resonated with me as well. The part about your mother reminds me of my own. It never really matters how much I achieve, it's never going to be good enough.
I’m sorry. I think our parents wanted the best for us, but unfortunately what the way they went about it only made us believe we were never good enough.
That is so true. In my case, I think their upbringing (especially my mom’s) was a lot harsher and she didn’t know any better. But repeated criticism chips away at you, and can truly cause damage.
Right here with you Lin. As we discover that it’s beautiful and necessary to have needs and wants and honor them. Powerful writing and realizations. Love you
Thank you, dear Megan. I‘m so glad you are here.
This resonates so deeply Lin. I grieve for you the time you lost. I did it for most of my life. This is YOUR time now- don’t abandon yourself. People actually respect you more when you set boundaries and keep them. Maybe not your ex but he will learn that he can’t keep taking advantage of you.
You said it, Amanda. People actually appreciate you more and respect you more when you set boundaries and keep them.
Felt this so deeply. My realisation that I was enough, enough for me. It was the start of my reflection and becoming journey. Thank you for sharing. 🥰
I‘m so glad. It‘s all in our mind, isn‘t it. The moment that we realized we were enough, we became enough just like that. 😁
I was the people pleaser in my relationship. Looking at where that got me today is wild.. saying it was "all for nothing" is an understatement. It was actively doing harm all those years. And what's funny is I still have trouble changing my behavior. It feels hard coded, but insight and understanding helps keep it in the forefront. Thanks for the beautifully written post! 🙏
Thank you for taking the time to read it. Such a belief is hard coded for sure. At least you have the awareness now. That‘s the most important step you could take. I wish you a great time ahead.
Oh Lin, this resonated with me so much. Thank you, as always, for your beautiful honesty and willingness to share your heart. Here's to ending the cycle of abandoning ourselves and finding ourselves instead 🤍🤍🤍